I want you more than these girls want KFC
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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