What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
