We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's always time for handjobs
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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