MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
