Got a toothbrush?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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