I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize