Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
