FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
