Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize