All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize