You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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