a queef is a wish your heart makes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
