who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
