Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
