You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
