We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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