The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
