I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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