Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
