that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she peed on how many people?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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