I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
