i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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