you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
