if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
