i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
