i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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