I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize