What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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