my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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