How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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