I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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