Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
