and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
