I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The adults are the big ones right?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
