Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
