This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Randomize
