omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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