I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
