should my penis look like a turkey
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
