i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
