I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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