ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
