I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
