i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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