Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
