Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Randomize
