we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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