i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
