I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
