i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
