we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i believe in u and ur pee
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
