a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
