So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
