I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize