Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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