Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
