I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
