somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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