Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
