i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
