Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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