the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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