so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
