I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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