my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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