Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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I need you to use more vowels.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
