It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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