But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
