go do what you do best...puke behind churches
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
