The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
