she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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