nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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