im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
