Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
