we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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