She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
