sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
