Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this just has baby written all over it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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