just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Vodka?
Forever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
