she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
