I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
