just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
