I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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