Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Found the puke drawer
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
