You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize