Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
