dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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