so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
